Take a Walk on the Wild Side: BDSM for Beginners

Welcome to Take a Walk on the Wild Side: BDSM for beginners. No one can deny the 50 Shades Trilogy sparked the interest of millions of women (and men). It left many taking to the internet to search BDSM. I’m sure you all found lots of very interesting sites. Maybe you’re a romance reader who found my blog after you read my novel, or perhaps you’re someone new to the lifestyle and are looking to learn more—just for fun or because you’re thinking about taking the next step. Although this blog is geared to readers who are new to the lifestyle, I welcome everyone with all experience levels. My hope is we can all grow and learn together as we explore this mysterious lifestyle that was once only whispered about and is still shrouded in mystery

Let’s start at the beginning. What is BDSM? On its most basic level, BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadochism, and Masochism. Wow, that’s a lot, right? But wait, there’s more. Most people think BDSM revolves around handcuffs, whips, and a lot of kinky sex. That’s all part of it, but did you know that many BDSM relationships don’t involve sex at all? Yes, some relationships involve only acts of service, sensual play, or mental acts. Everyone is different, so it’s only natural that everyone will fit into the BDSM lifestyle differently.

            For me, I’m a submissive in the BDSM lifestyle. I guess you’d say the roles of my Dominant and myself follow a lot of the traditional relationship roles in that He’s a man and a Dominant; I’m a woman and a submissive. Where that works for us, not everyone’s relationship will be the same. I’m also married to my Dominant, adding another dynamic to our relationship.

What does my relationship look like?

Think of a 1950’s style marriage—that’s where we fit. He’s the head of the household. He works, thankfully, from home these days. I don’t work outside the home. I take care of housework and laundry and make sure He always has what He needs. Before I go out or make any decisions, I always ask His permission. Nothing happens without His approval.

 We also have four young adult children—and yes, they know about our relationship. No, we don’t discuss what we do in the bedroom. They see a relationship where their parents respect each other, where their mom takes care of their dad, and their dad adores their mom. Honestly, I think it’s an excellent example of what to look for in a future mate, regardless of if they choose to enter the lifestyle themselves. One big thing you won’t see—I don’t do much cooking. My family prefers it that way. LOL

Many people would look at all that and think I’m being taken advantage of, but they’d be wrong. Before we entered into a Dominant/submissive relationship, we discussed everything, and I mean everything, before we came to any final decisions. Even though we’re married, things that are specific to our Dom/sub relationship are in a signed and written contract. It’s not legal, but it gives us concrete definitions. From time to time, when we both feel things need renegotiations either because there are things that aren’t working for us or we both want more, we go back to the drawing table and redo it. There is nothing in our relationship that I haven’t willingly agreed to. 

Which might leave readers asking, what do you, as the submissive, get out of it, because it looks like you are doing all the giving? That’s easy. He makes sure I know how much He adores me, that I’m His world. I know I’m cared for and loved by the most wonderful man, the most caring (and strict) Dominant.

Is this lifestyle for everyone? Nope, but if your interest is piqued, I want to challenge you this next week. Do something for the person you love that puts them before yourself—test the waters and see how it fits, how it makes them feel. If you’re comfortable, come back and share it with me!

Next time, we’ll talk about the motto Safe, Sane, and Consensual.

Until then, happy playing ~Tara